On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
