My underwear smells like fireworks.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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