I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
The feeling are messing with the penis
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
