I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
