I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
