If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
