I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
