Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
