The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
