I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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