i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
