He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
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