Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
