Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
