yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
