Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
