Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
