You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize