If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
