I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
