that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
