I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
