I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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