Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
