had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Randomize
