i just wanna soil my oats bro
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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