tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
