took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
My bed smells like the plague
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
