I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
