Pappa wants mamma naked
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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