So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
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