no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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