Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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