my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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