She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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