remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
