i just had sex bonerless
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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