eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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