oh god the rape fog is back!
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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