don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
