Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
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