i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
