I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
