This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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