I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
So much rum. So many feels.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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