Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize
