i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
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