I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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