I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
