We won't sleep together?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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