just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
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