this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
