Her vagina should come with caution tape.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
