Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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