I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
