i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
