Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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