Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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