I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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