Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize