We're facebook friends in real life
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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