i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
