it was like his penis was on wheels.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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