Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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