I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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