you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize