My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
