Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
